When It's Meant To "B"

I've had a thought on my mind lately about marriage.  Well, duh, of course I have, I'm engaged. But it's not just about the marriage I will have with my partner in crime, but marriage in general.  Are there rules to marriage? Traditionally, there are aspects to marriage/ partnerships that society directs in movies and television. The problem is, marriage isn't what it used to be anymore.  People don't get married because they have to, or to survive because it's what you need to do.  I don't see anyone being married off at 16 anymore...of course to me, even 20 and 21 seems young.  Hell, me being engaged at 22 is mind blowing.

These days, people are getting married, and then divorced, for all sorts of reasons. "Love" is the first thing that comes to mind, but is that enough?  I'm not sure that it is with all of the divorces happening. Yes, there are marriage counselors and other marriage helping "tools" these days but yet the divorce rate doesn't seem to be getting any lower.  At this point, my fiance and I are of the minority, having parents that are still married...to their FIRST and only spouses. We are part of "traditional" families, not blended or mixed with step-anythings.  So with that in mind, how do you know when you're ready for marriage?  When is the right time to be married?  Do things change when you are married and if they do, how do you handle it? Divorce?  I sure hope not.

I have seen couples make things work without being married when they get into situations where, in the past, people HAD to get married. For example, I know of couples that are living together to raise their families and they aren't married. They are there for each other but they are not bound by a piece of paper...or at least that's what I used to think was the only thing that separated married couples from non-married couples. It doesn't matter what I thought though because that's actually becoming the norm.

I don't know why those couples don't get married, but it would be more interesting to find out than why people get divorced.  Irreconcilable differences is what I call bullshit and an easy-way-out of marriage. That sounds cruel but here are my reasons, and they of course go against tradition:

1) Before getting married, live with the person for at least 6 months or even a year! People are thinking the traditional way of waiting to live together until they get married is going to keep them from getting divorced and they don't want to upset their family traditions. Tradition works for some people, but these days divorce seems to be so easy that it makes marriage look like a game. So make sure you can live with someone before you make your relationship legal.  Think about it: you are going from seeing someone often to living with them 24/7. It's a pretty big difference. If you've never spent the night together, you'll learn that he doesn't like the same cereal you do, or that he has to drink whole milk and you like skim milk (eww) or something. One person could be a slob and the other person a neat freak. Trust me, the differences will add up if you don't know what they are and learn to handle them together.

2) Opposites can attract, but attraction doesn't always make a successful marriage. No, I'm not married yet but I'm an amazing person of observation and I've seen the good and bad of too many relationships not to realize these things. If someone "completes" you by being your counterpart, then great. But make sure he or she has similarities in the life changing decision department. This is a HUGE reason for divorce; if you can't agree on where to live, how many children you want (or if you want any) and what kind of timeline you want for yourselves, then it may not work out.  Don't set your relationship up for failure.

3) Fighting is not the end of the world, you just need to pick your battles.  This is a lesson that took a while for me to learn, and I'm still improving on it. But couples will fight about the dumbest things I have ever heard!  They aren't even important things.  Life is too short, if you want to argue with someone to the point of knock down-drag out fighting for the rest of your life, maybe you shouldn't get married.  Try living with the person but don't make it legally binding.

4) I sound like I'm out of my generation saying this but people don't know how to communicate anymore, hence the need for counselors and divorces being the result of marriages. You need to have an open and honest relationship with the person you want to marry. At the same time, you both need to learn how to take a step back and realize what the other person needs. For example, my fiance and I are Scottish(him) and Irish(me)...if you don't know what that means I am so so sorry.  For those of you who do know what that means, you know that if both parties are angry at one another, everyone else should probably clear the room. We love to be stubborn as much as we love each other. Communication is something we have to work on everyday, but we both know that sometimes we each need like 30 minutes or an hour of being left alone to think about why we're angry before talking to each other again.

5) With communication on the table, you need to talk about money.  You have heard this over and over and over again because it is 100% true!  So many divorces happen because people can't agree or have problems with money. Before you live together, have a plan of who pays what bills and stick to it.  Have a back up plan of what will happen if one of you loses your job. Make sure your bills are less than what you make a month and don't get in over your head. PLAN PLAN PLAN! Budgets are awesome too, but the key is to be on the same page, even if you have to write it out.  I would love to set a date for our wedding right now but we decided to get a house first, which is a major expense. I also have student loans to pay.  We can't have the wedding we want without planning and making sure we don't get in over our heads.

With all of my ranting there, I would like to add that marriage is something wonderful and should be fun.  Yes, there is a lot of work involved but you have to be realistic about those kinds of things in order for a relationship to be long lasting and for both people in it to be HAPPY.  That is what it comes down to: happiness.  So the next time you throw out to your spouse that you want a divorce over which color to paint the kitchen, only because of all of the frustrations you have built up inside of you and never talked about, think about communicating first. One of these days one of you will say "divorce" and you'll regret it. So know who you love, and love who you know and communicate.

Words to live by?  I know I will anyway...

Till next time
KNG :)

"B"efore South Carolina

Memories. They bring up all sorts of emotions. Scrapbooks are good ways of keeping memories together and make them tangible...which is why I decided to make one for my fiance.  Don't worry, he knows about it because I can't surprise him to save my life; that and his sense of creativity will make it not suck when I'm done.

Anyway...I started looking at a scrapbook from a long time ago for some ideas. It was a scrapbook given to me as a present from some old friends after I moved to South Carolina from New York. I came from a small town, and when I opened it tonight a whole slew of flashbacks came galloping through.

I was ending 8th grade and about to start high school when I moved here. I hated leaving my friends because we were so close.  I have only awesome memories from those days.  I miss four-wheeling and dancing and playing volleyball with my best friends. I didn't do any of that after I moved here; I danced for a little while but stopped halfway through high school. I wanted to try to start a new life here, but now that I look back and think about where I am now, I probably would have done some things differently.

To be honest, I mostly shed my past because my mom didn't really want me to live a country-kind-of-life; she thought I was going to be a journalist and travel the world.  I was scared to death when I had to tell her that wasn't going to cut it for me, and that my passion was with a much less profitable career: teaching. She took it really well, I think she always knew actually but didn't try to support it before I told her it was what I wanted to do.

Now, I'm not a teacher but I did graduate with a Bachelor's degree and have a full time job. I found the love of my life and can't wait till we start making wedding plans. But I can't help but miss the way things used to be before we moved here, the fun I used to have.  This place was all new to me and I tried to just make the best of it, when really I ended up just being "there" in it. It makes me sad because I'm the one to blame for that.

I think I'm going to make a change...the change is TBD. I don't know what it is, but I can't be lazy and let things happen anymore, I have to make them happen.  I mean that's how life starts isn't it? Life is made, it doesn't just happen...there is no immaculate conception.

While I spend the rest of my night pondering what it is I'm going to do, here's a little piece of my past (link to video)

 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1639076743003&l=1870075045238113584


Cya!
KNG :)

"B"eauty In Music

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Just "B"cause

I've been starting to play around with different writing styles/ideas. I find that I like to express things that happen in poems...which is crazy because after all of my high school English classes, poetry became my enemy.  You know all those beautiful works that you would have no idea what was being talked about, but would want to read it anyway because it sounded so lovely? And then a teacher gets a hold of it, and wants you to pick the poem apart for 3-4 weeks worth of classes to figure out what the poet was trying to say and what style he was writing in and how all of that affects the world. Good grief.

Sifting through my mind the other day, here is one I came up with; it's super cheesy sounding, so excuse that.

Love.

Red beard, blue eyes…something mysterious with a secret or two

A built up wall that no one could demolish, a substance done with friends and alone to ease it all

What could break it down?

Nothing.

Blonde hair, blue eyes…an aching pain with a want to be needed

A locked door awaiting the right key, open it to fill a void and rest the thoughts

Where is the key holder?

Nowhere.

One with words, he expresses in confidence, feeling her out

She seems shy, quiet and cannot be figured out

Who is this girl?

Angel.

That is what he called her, she is his own angel

Sweet, funny, and easy to talk to…will she give him a chance?

Yes.

Plaid shirt, jeans…seems she is looking at a modern-day Paul Bunyan

He called her an angel…flirting to get somewhere or was he sincere?

Reality.

They spoke for an hour in the parking lot, he asked for her number

She had butterflies in her stomach and couldn’t figure out why

Why is he so easy to talk to?

Future.

Laughter, trips, kisses and fights…everything with passion and emotion

She tore down his wall, he had the key to her heart; it all came down to this

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Re-reading that makes it even more embarrassing to publish, but you can't be afraid of what you write; the true stuff is what's built up inside. 

Till next time

KNG :)

"B" Positive...It's a New Year

It's been 5 days since 2014 sprung up on me. In a way, I'm glad that it did. Every year has its good parts and bad parts but this year, both sides were so strong I'm ready for a year of a little less crazy.

 I like happy endings, so I'll start with the not-so-great. Not only did 2013 mark the 10 year anniversary of my sister's death, but I lost an amazing person around the same date.  May is now the worst month ever.  My great-aunt was an amazing woman. She and my Nana were practically attached at the hip as sisters go. They both showed me what strong, independent women really look like. I've been told in the past I will most likely be like my Nana, as wonderful as she is, when I get older, but I hope to be like both of them. The worst part of it all, I was in the middle of finals and graduating that I couldn't go to her funeral in Canada. I was crushed that I couldn't be there, but I'm glad that at least my mom could go.  My cousins will always have a permanent residence in my heart, and I know they will be ok through it all.

On top of that, I found out the government screwed up with my tax returns for not just last year, but the past TWO years, and I had to pay for it.  My paychecks from May until July pretty much went to them, and needless to say my savings went down the tube. I hope they're happy because they'll be getting more money from me for my school loans starting this month. Yay...

With the bad, comes the good though. I graduated from college and made an A in a class where the only grade was based on a 30+ page paper.  I found out about my aunt the night before it was due...needless to say I wasn't expecting an A at all. Even though I haven't found a job to go with my degree yet, and will probably have to go back to school to get certified in something, I finished college. I got my Bachelor's degree in 4 years and I'm glad to be done. I made it and did what my parents never got to do.

In addition to graduation, my lovely boyfriend who has been with me through many arguments, fights, dramatic scenes, laughs, and all other life events, decided he wanted to marry me. On August 23 he proposed in the cheesiest way, but I cried like a baby and wouldn't have asked for it in a better way. One day I may write about how he proposed, but for now I still like to keep it to myself just to smile when I need to.

My fiance's sister also brought another addition into her family, and I am being called "Aunt Kayla." I never thought that would happen after losing my sister when I was 11, but the feeling is great. Plus it keeps the topic of babies in the distant future between my love and I...which is perfectly fine by me, not quite ready for that yet.

Speaking of babies, my oldest first cousin and his wife turned my Nana into a first-time Great-Grandmother and everyone is ecstatic for them :) I haven't met her yet, and may not for a while since we all live so far apart, but I wish them luck and a great life for all of them.

Entering 2014, my fiance is in the process of getting us a house so we can start our lives together.  We'll start planning our wedding after we get settled into a place of our own.

What I hope for this year is more craziness, but less of the bad kind. I'm ready to start my life with the love of my life and take more chances, explore new things...have new adventures. It's a scary yet exciting feeling at the same time.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope 2014 brings joy and insanity to all...in the best way :)

Till next time
KNG :)

B-E-A-UUUtiful

I decided to find a quote to get me through the day today and came across a nice, supposedly Irish, saying: "Many a sudden change takes place on an unlikely day." For some reason, it seemed to fit what I was hoping would happen today.  

The job I have is ok; it's sort of giving me the money to pay bills and my co-workers aren't too bad. My hours completely suck though, working a full-time job getting about 32 hours a week wasn't what I had in mind...I was working that many hours at my part-time jobs in high school and college.  Basically due to that reason, I've started job searching again. I keep thinking to myself "Why did I waste my time going to college for four years when I can't even land a job that requires a degree?" It's what I grew up being told I was supposed to do, so I did it. And now look at me, complaining about jobs on my blog...pathetic.

Anyway, it surprised me yesterday afternoon when I received an email asking for an interview after I sent my resume just a few hours before. I needed that quote to hope that by some miracle, things were going to work out today. I'm not usually a pessimist, but I haven't been all that optimistic lately.

With my luck, (I knew it was bad...I didn't even win the famous mega millions this morning), I went to the interview, arrived early and everything, just to find out it was being held at a Temp agency. Bum to the errrr. The entire "interview" was finished 6 minutes after it was supposed to start and I was on my way. All they wanted to do was tell me how to fix my resume, what tests I needed to take...oh! and that the job I was applying for had been filled by a girl the day before I sent my resume...grrrrr.

So what was I supposed to do now? Usually, I go home and eat chocolate until I feel so fat that I hate myself for not working out and eating better like I should. But I didn't do that today. I drove back towards home and walked into another business to see if they were hiring. They were, but of course I needed a certification to work there. A second strike!  Still in my interview clothes, I decided for try number 3: I drove across the street to another business and asked if they were hiring...they were! I had to go online (because who takes paper resumes in person anymore?) and find the position I wanted to apply for, then email my resume. 

For some reason, even though I know that isn't guaranteed a job, I felt better after that. Maybe it was because my stomach wasn't filled of horrible yummness, or that I didn't give up after the interview and got more use out of my uncomfortable suit, but I felt like something had happened. I kept trekking on and realized that just because I can't get jobs as easy as I could when they were part-time jobs B.C. (before college), doesn't mean I should stop and wallow in self-pity after each failed interview.

I hope all of you remember that as well. Whether it's looking for a job, a place to live, a car, a significant other, a school...whatever, just be yourself and don't give up. There's something out there for you, but you have to find it. It's not going to fall from the sky into your lap one day...though I do have my speculations seeing as how only 2 people won the entire lottery (jeeze!).  Anyway, keep on trekkin'! Life is, as Jim Carey would say, "B-E-A-uuutiful!"

Till next time
KNG :)

"B" Assertive

I have come to realize I've been complaining a LOT lately-- obviously not here ha, it's been a while. Every day I've been exploring my mind trying to figure out why I'm not absolutely happy with everything I have in my life. I defeated college by graduating with a Bachelor's degree, in exactly four years: a huge goal of mine! I have family that loves me, a man who loves me enough to, for some strange reason, want to marry me (he's reading this hehe). I have a full time job with benefits, even though the hours are not ideal (most of my complaining). I actually have the chance to become an aunt, which I never thought would be possible after I lost my sister, to my fiance's sister's children (second one is gonna be here tomorrow!).

So, with all of that, what in the hell is wrong with me? Do I need a vacation? Yes, but who doesn't? I'm beginning to think that even though I thought any voids inside of me had been filled, that maybe there's still something missing. It's not anyone's fault, and no one is not enough for me because honestly the people in my life are there for a reason...because I want them to be!

There are two events in the last 3 days that have started to give me a different perspective on my life and have helped me to start figuring out what it is I need so desperately. The first one happened at the end of my shift Monday night.

An emergency came in at about 30 minutes before we were supposed to close the hospital. Now before I begin this story, I have to say I'm not a cat person...at all! Good lord, I have such bad luck with cats that one bit me at work and I had to go to the doctor for 2 shots (I hate needles). Anyway, a woman brought a cat into the hospital. It was barely moving, more swimming in the air. I followed procedures and immediately brought the poor thing to the back of the hospital while the woman checked in. As I watched the doctor check the pet's vital signs, I had an overwhelming feeling rush over me. At first I was intrigued, I had not been in the back of the hospital during an emergency yet. After the doctor checked over the cat, I lifted it up in its creme colored towel and held it like a baby. As I looked down at the wound on its head and saw how helpless it was, I couldn't help but imagine what happened to it. The cat was still trying to fight with the last bit it had left in it to fight, but it had been declawed and couldn't scratch me.

I held the cat close to my body, feeling every agonizing breath it took. When the decision came that the cat couldn't be saved, I was secretly devastated. I held the cat close before I put it in one of the kennels as instructed by the doctor. When I closed the door the cat went ballistic fighting to get away. I felt my heart sink down to my stomach. The coward in me left the room as quickly as I could to leave at the end of my shift. I drove home thinking about the cat and how horrible it felt not to be able to do anything to help it.   For some reason that sparked the first idea I came up with for myself.

I felt a huge sense that the world was bigger than I keep thinking it to be and that on my days off, I need to do more that "relax before the next time I have to work." I decided to come up with 3 goals for myself that I have to accomplish everyday, so I'm not sitting on my ass watching reruns of Boy Meets World and stuffing my face when I'm bored on my days off. These first two days of goals went pretty well. I'm not expecting miracles, but for some reason I felt like that still wasn't enough.

The second event happened today when my dad and I went to Barnes and Noble to get my mom something for Christmas (no worries, she is not reading this). The cashier asked my dad if he wanted to purchase a stuffed toy or book to donate to the children's hospital. My dad, not having the extra money, declined. For some strange reason, I felt the need to inquire which hospital and what the children needed, and if I needed to purchase something in the store in order to donate. I was barely listening before I pulled out my debit card and chose a book off the shelf. I chose one of the Junie B. Jones books...I loved those when I was younger. I realized in that moment how much of a need I have to help kids. If I wasn't at the pet hospital right now, I hope I would be working with a children's organization. If I was working with a children's organization, I would be volunteering with animals. I don't know what it is but those are my weaknesses. Why did I have to be the color blue in that career test I took in college?

So before I started typing up tonight's post, I started looking for jobs like I have been that last few weeks and something else clicked...why don't I just put up with my hours (this is going to suck, but it's money right now) and apply to volunteer for a while instead? That's what I need I think. I need to make a difference, because I've always felt better when I did. Seeing the joy in someone's face because I was able to help is all the payment I would need if I didn't have bills.

I'm hoping this little adventure will work out for the best, and hopefully I will start feeling better about my life. Giving back isn't just something you should feel like you have to do like when you're in school and have to do it for a grade. I think it only really counts when you have a WANT and NEED to do it, for others and for yourself. As of right now I have applied to a local organization that has volunteers come and help students with reading. I love to read and I love to teach, so I figured why not start there?

KNG :)